She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
