I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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