Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
