Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
