I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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