i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
