Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
