After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dicks are not precious.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
