I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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