mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
