Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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