Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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