Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
