whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
