She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
