evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
