I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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