And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
