just tell him i said nine months
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
