i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
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you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
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Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
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