just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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