Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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