either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This baby is an asshole
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
