He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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