I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
