I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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