Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
