No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
