So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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