you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How does one acquire holy water?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
