you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
