I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
