We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
