Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
