real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
