And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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