Pappa wants mamma naked
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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