Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
