i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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