I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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