Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
