You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
