If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
