There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize