Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize