I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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