First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So squirting runs in the family.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
