either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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