just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running