Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity