im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.