Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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