goodnight i made you a song goodbye
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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