she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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