after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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