We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
accomplished twins. life is a go
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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