I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
