Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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