if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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