Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
