so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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