They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
