Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
