Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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