The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
