You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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