you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
