Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
