I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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