You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
