So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
