she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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