Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
3pm strippers are depressing
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
