and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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