dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
