playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
