why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
