# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
