You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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