it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize