I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize