That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
